Author Archives: Eric Thirteen

The Raid 2 + Crank 2: High Voltage

Posted on September 19, 2017 by Eric Thirteen
The Raid 2 + Crank 2: High Voltage

How to double down. Two undeniable action films get equally influential sequels (which is to say, why the fuck did these not influence everything that followed?) The Raid: Redemption: Two: 2: Berandal. Crank (2) High Voltage. Fuck you, Chellios! Eric plants seeds; a beautiful tree grows. Why there are no eyeballs being drilled out in Die Hard. Something that makes breaking out of the mold that much more more difficult. Crank 2: Beind Belief. Listen to movies, they know the world they take place in. Where has the action hero gone? Mike Patton is The Darkness (and one thousand other sounds).

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When Harry Met Sally + That Obscure Object of Desire

Posted on September 10, 2017 by Eric Thirteen
When Harry Met Sally + That Obscure Object of Desire

Romantic entanglements aren’t helped by toxic masculinity. Eric’s ex-girlfriends present: anti-romance! Double Feature has survivor’s guilt in Austin, Texas and Los Angeles, California. Drafthouse personally apologizes for a hurricane. Rob Reiner introduces Harry and Sally and ellipses. A man thinks men and women can’t be friends but that was back when there were only two genders no seriously. Is When Harry Met Sally… about people or relationships or humanity? The infamous fake orgasm diner scene. Luis Buñuel, or as he is more commonly known, the Spanish Rob Reiner. Buñuel wants you to know: we do not live in the best possible universe. Strangers on a train…also talk about orgasms. Who is the true obscure object of desire? Continue reading →

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Yoga Hosers + Theater of Blood

Posted on August 31, 2017 by Eric Thirteen
Yoga Hosers + Theater of Blood

Fuck the critics! Films resist the people who watch them, and get off on tormenting the people who judge them. First: Two teenage yoga enthusiasts team up with a legendary man-hunter to battle with an ancient evil presence that is threatening their major party plans. Kevin Smith will do anything he fucking wants. What was that? A convenience store? For the true fans? Oh totally, not a problem at all. Actually, what about three of them? Great, three convenience store movies. Wait, you guys were asking about these Degrassi movies, right? Then: A Shakespearean actor takes poetic revenge on the critics who denied him recognition! I mean, probably a Shakespearean actor. Vincent Price in sandwhich-face-face. Continue reading →

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Soul Man + It Happened Here

Posted on August 24, 2017 by Eric Thirteen
Soul Man + It Happened Here

Why art? Bad art, tasteless art, controversial art. Should some art not exist? Racism and dystopia. A poorly timed double feature – thanks, American. Soul Man, a movie that should probably be seen before heard. Seriously, do it. Double Feature can’t be responsible. Order is in debate. Straddling a thin line for an impossible amount of time. One man’s historic atrocity is another man’s first black steps on the moon. Once indefensibility is exhausted. It Happened Here – and it totally can, and actually sort of has. 2016’s Nazi-Sympathizers are 2017’s Nazis. Collaboration in the United States of America. The place dystopian literature earned in cinema. Why paint cruel words? What can be gained from brutal fiction. Playing devil’s advocate to the even less defensible. Continue reading →

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Barbershop + Wall Street

Posted on August 17, 2017 by Eric Thirteen
Barbershop + Wall Street

Differing economic headaches. Decade-specific economic problems. Tangible goods and services and abstract investment. Black ownership as depicted on the south side of beautiful Chicago, Illinois. Ice Cube returns in another great movie that no one expects to be great. Well, no one on Double Feature. Well, ok, no one on half of Double Feature. Never underestimate Cedric the Entertainer. Easy money and hard times. Money, sleeping, and Oliver Stone’s 1987 film Wall Street. What do the economic representatives have in common? No no, besides being white. Gordon Gecko is not to be idolized. Making money moving pieces around a spreadsheet. Oliver Stone running around a…call center, or whatever Continue reading →

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The Breakfast Club + The Hateful Eight

Posted on August 10, 2017 by Eric Thirteen
The Breakfast Club + The Hateful Eight

Two writer directors take on social interactions trapped in a room. A pack of individuals spend that day together, learning to rise above their own differences in sharing the human experience with their fellow man. Or killing each other maybe. These high school cliques certainly have a very white thing in common. Learning about John Hughes through one of his most popular and lasting films, The Breakfast Club. Everyone gets punched by their father and no one really likes it. When adults talk. The greater purpose of learning to live and love your peers regardless of class – to distract yourself from how fucking terrible growing up is. The eighth Tarantino film: The Hateful Eight. Big black cock. Double Feature finds a fresh new appalling. Quentin Tarantino gets better and better. Story telling Continue reading →

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W. + Fahrenheit 9/11

Posted on August 3, 2017 by Eric Thirteen
W. + Fahrenheit 9/11

Double Feature begins a Year 10 journey into American presidents and propaganda. The presidency of George W. Bush through fact and fiction. Well, probably more of the second one. Oilver’s Stone’s W. from 2008. That’s the letter “w” and then a period. What an awful name for internet searchability. No one really though about that back then. Anyways, an Iraq-critical film revolving around Oil and not so much 9/11. Speaking of not so searchable, how do internet search engine’s treat 9/11 vs 911 or 9-11? iTunes tried to name the file with a 9_11. These are the things that fill Eric’s nightmares. As if that weren’t enough – Michael Moore’s films are embarrassing. Continue reading →

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The Greasy Strangler + The Happiness of the Katakuris

Posted on July 27, 2017 by Eric Thirteen
The Greasy Strangler + The Happiness of the Katakuris

Absurd films with horror bents. The Greasy Strangler pounds it in. Just pounding. Just hitting that point over and over. And over. By pounding. The point. Pounding it in. Until pounding looks strong on the display. Pounding. Is that even how it’s spelled? Pounding? What does that word really even mean? What’s even happening here? Michael learns all the secrets of The Greasy Strangler and it turns out nothing is going to help. Jim Hosking is a bullshit artist. The Happiness of the Katakuris and the happiness of Takashi Miike. Doing a film on a sort of dare. An alternative to funding. Humanism: it’s probably in there! The Katakuris live on (until everyone dies). Continue reading →

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Nights of Cabiria + American Honey

Posted on July 20, 2017 by Eric Thirteen
Nights of Cabiria + American Honey

Women making their way through life with men, and maybe better without them. Slice of life films focusing on finding individualism and a sense of self in uncommon communities. Two release weekends separated by fifty-nine years. Women in Nights of Cabiria has plenty of fun nighttime activities, and they’ve gotten even better since the fifties. Do the characters of American Honey deserve sympathy? So not the point of the film, but let’s explore for a minute anyways. Michael tried to get Eric to kill himself again. Eric out-poverties Michael. Continue reading →

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Pacific Rim + InnerSpace

Posted on July 13, 2017 by Eric Thirteen
Pacific Rim + InnerSpace

Size and scale in cinema. How do you keep perspective when everyone’s face is the size of a television? How IMAX impacts filmmaking, or at least the future vision of a movie. Do not miss Charlie Day and Ron Perlman together. Just don’t do that to yourself. Cancel the apocalypse! Saul Williams not appearing in Pacific Rim. InnerSpace, have you seen this? Coffee with Joe Dante. Reversing Pacific Rim does not suddenly make InnerSpace. Joe Dante movies might be as much about Joe Dante as anything else, and that’s actually really fucking cool. Continue reading →

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